National Friendship Day!
Today marks Friendship Day and it falls on my 40th birthday! As someone who is a unique blend of social awkwardness, introversion, and just plain weirdness, I may not have a large circle of friends, but I've been fortunate to find a few gems who have stuck by me through the years.
What Makes a Friend?
Friendship is a unique bond that transcends mere acquaintance. A friend is someone who understands and accepts you, offers support and companionship, and stands by you through thick and thin. Psychologically speaking, humans need friends because we are inherently social creatures. Friendships provide emotional support, reduce stress, and contribute to our overall wellbeing. They offer a sense of belonging and connection, which are fundamental to our mental and emotional health. Having friends helps us navigate life's challenges, celebrate our successes, and find meaning in shared experiences. A good friend said recently, "You wouldn't just pick anyone as a romantic partner, a friend shouldn't be any less." Anything less than this, does not make them a friend.
The Challenge of Making Friends
Making friends has always been a challenge for me. I often wonder if it's difficult for everyone. We can't connect deeply with everyone we meet, and I certainly won't be everyone's cup of tea. But when I do like someone, I make an effort to show it in a way that suits our friendship. In the past, I've convinced myself that I don't need anyone, but isn't it wonderful when you meet someone from your tribe and come back feeling great?
Learning About True Friendship
When I was younger, fear of rejection led me to accumulate friends rapidly, not fully understanding what friendship meant. It wasn't about quality because I didn't yet understand my own worth. I was collecting people faster than a Pokémon tournament, just to prove I had numbers, that I was worth something. As a child, I was always that kid who longed to be liked and hoped to be given a friendship bracelet when I saw my classmates giving each other one; but I was often too shy and restricted to approach someone with it, even if I had the materials to make one. I stuttered badly and was bullied over my weight, so I never quite appeared to be the cool person you'd want to be friends with. At that age, it was hard for me to understand why I didn't have friends, but I was learning that I needed to have things and look good.
As I got older in my quest to be liked, I would often go overboard with lavish gifts or throw extravagant parties, thinking that this would make people like me more. I believed that by impressing others with material gestures, I could secure their friendship. However, I soon realised that these actions didn't necessarily lead to genuine connections. True friends aren't won over by grand displays but by consistent, heartfelt actions and mutual respect.
It's true what they say: you find out who your true friends are when things go wrong. Over the years, all relationships face challenges, and people change. You test the waters to see who survives the flood. If you're lucky, you come out with people relatively unscathed.
The Importance of Effort and Communication
People's lives are messy and busy, but making time and having honest communication is important. Knowing you are important to a relationship matters. Today, I feel immense gratitude towards those who wished me a happy birthday and marked the occasion. This post is for you!
My Gratitude
Thank you for being my friend.
Thank you for showing up.
Thank you for doing your best. In return, I will continue to be honest in how I feel, how I show up for you, and how I'll adapt to ensure both of us feel valued in our friendship.
You don't need a lot of people in your life. You might just have one good friend, but remember to also be a good friend to yourself; it's a great way to build upon connecting with others. It's OK not to get on with everyone and it does not mean you are not good friend material!
Tips for Making Friendships Last
- Communicate Openly: Honest communication is the foundation of any strong relationship. Share your feelings, listen actively, and resolve conflicts respectfully.
- Be Reliable: Consistency and reliability build trust. Show up when you say you will and be someone your friends can count on.
- Show Appreciation: Regularly express gratitude and appreciation for your friends. A simple "thank you" or a thoughtful gesture can go a long way.
- Respect Boundaries: Everyone has different comfort levels and boundaries. Respect your friends' limits and give them space when needed.
- Invest Time: Quality time is crucial. Make an effort to spend time together, whether through regular meetups, phone calls, or even virtual hangouts.
- Be Supportive: Be there for your friends during tough times and celebrate their successes. Offering emotional support strengthens your bond.
- Adapt and Grow: Friendships, like any relationship, evolve over time. Be open to change and willing to adapt to new circumstances while maintaining the core values of your friendship.
- Focus on Those Who Show Up: It's easy to get caught up in feeling hurt by those who don't make an effort, but it's more rewarding to focus on the friends who do show up. Life does get in the way, so remember to focus on the times your friend can show up for you. They may be so amazing that many people need them too, not just you. Appreciate and invest in the relationships that are reciprocated, and let go of those that aren't.
Building and maintaining lasting friendships takes effort, but the rewards of having genuine connections in your life are immeasurable. Cheers to friendship!
