Lady of Leisure

I remember leaving my career last year, playfully adopting the title of "Lady of Leisure" when it was said to me. Initially, the prospect of not working seemed appealing; it offered me a chance to navigate through a challenging period and contemplate my next steps. However, the phrase was not said as a compliment. My decision was met with surprise and concerns about relying on my partner for support, along with questions about how I would occupy my time.

The Decision and Its Challenges

Even during my three-month notice period, people began probing about my future plans. At the time, resigning was both daunting and relieving: daunting due to the fear of judgement, yet relieving because of my genuine exhaustion with my workplace, as previously mentioned in my earlier blog. I frequently heard remarks like, "Every workplace is awful, what will you do now?" The reality was, I had no concrete plans, but I had weathered more challenging situations solo in the past. The worry about financial matters made me feel as though others perceived me as incapable of making sound decisions for myself and my family.

Seeking Rest and Rediscovery

Some suggested I set goals and timelines, but this period wasn't about hastily securing a new role. It was about recuperation, therapy, and rediscovering my voice. Gradually, I noticed my voice, by choice, became more reserved. I ceased justifying my actions and became more guarded. Although announcing my resignation on social media seemed necessary at the time, it invited judgement and even caused some to feel threatened by my choice. I started doing more and more courses and feeling I had to do something with the courses I learnt, rather than admit it was a good course but nothing more will come from it.

The Hypocrisy of Modern Equality

It's disheartening that in 2024, while we claim to champion equality and individual choices, women are still harshly judged for their career decisions. How can one path be acceptable for some but invite gossip for others? Since when is it permissible to assess someone's worth based solely on their job? Even hardworking individuals face comments insinuating that they must earn more to have a valid opinion, as if wealth equates to wisdom and authority. I use the word hardworking fully aware that it includes both people in and out of work.

People have also created the false narrative, that you can have it all, and whilst you may on the surface seem to have it all, there are consequences to those choices. Again nobody should judge people for it, just stop asking the same from others because you have it. Whether you have a job, have a family, are a stay home wife, who cares. Furthermore, there's the added pressure on women to choose between motherhood and a career, as juggling both without support is challenging, and judgements are cast regardless of the chosen path. Many women rush back to work due to fears of missing out career-wise and because they're surrounded by those who suggest that a mother's role is merely lounging around, indulging in cake, and watching a baby play! Others judge because a woman is still at home even when her child is in school. It goes further, we have companies telling us how much maternity leave we can have until our jobs are no longer ours or family telling us we need to go back to work because of the kids! If it's not impacting your life, why does it matter to you?

The Exhaustion of External Validation

I perpetually felt the need to justify my actions, striving to prove that I was just as productive as my peers. Social media exacerbated this, normalising oversharing and seeking validation. As I approach my 40th birthday, I'm realising that I'm mentally drained. I'm weary of having to explain myself, especially to those who view my situation with pity.

Embracing Introversion

I'm not confrontational by nature and have always believed in treating others with kindness, hoping for reciprocal treatment. I now understand that people's judgements are often clouded by their own insecurities. My current approach is to withdraw. Sometimes it can be lonely, but I recognise it's preferable to being amidst unsupportive company.

Practising Empathy and Understanding

I also recognise it's essential to acknowledge the insecurities and jealousy that may arise in others when one takes a career break. Not everyone can afford such a hiatus, and some are disallowed from doing so. Demonstrating empathy towards loved ones is pivotal, recognising that one's circumstances may inadvertently accentuate their struggles. Exercising sensitivity and restraint can prevent causing inadvertent harm to those who care about you. Recognising and honouring their emotions can build a more supportive environment for all involved. I hope they also learn the skill of empathy and not feel my decisions are an attack on their lifestyle or to invite a comparison on who has had it worse.

Marriage as a Partnership

Marriage is a partnership, filled with its own challenges. If a partner requires rest or time to recuperate and reflect, it's crucial to provide support where you can. Contribution to each other's lives transcends mere financial means. Permitting a partner to step back can strengthen the relationship but I've witnessed scenarios where such dynamics cause friction, damage self-esteem, or individuals are taken advantage of. If you're already on shaky ground, it's vital to build a solid foundation to withstand the changes and negativity that can arise.

Strategies for Coping

To cope with judgement and societal pressures, I've found solace in journaling to maintain clarity of mind. Additionally, I seek out supportive communities, whether online or in person, to establish a network of understanding individuals who respect people's choices.

Moving Forward

Departing from my career in 2023 was challenging yet essential. The toxicity of my work environment was detrimental to both myself and my family. I'm fortunate to have a supportive husband who encourages me to proceed at my own pace. Nevertheless, external pressures persist. Being reminded of financial constraints and interrogated about my plans is exhausting and disheartening. Since when did an individual's value become solely bound to their income? The constant focus on what we lack perpetuates feelings of competition and inadequacy. Why don't we celebrate the positives instead?

To safeguard my mental wellbeing, I minimise external influences. This period is about rediscovering my path and embracing the liberty to make choices for my overall wellbeing. I'm learning to value self-care and ignore societal expectations and judgements. As I peer into the future, I'm reminded of my family's love and support and appreciation for my contributions. I never feel that my worth is contingent on bringing home money. I hope whoever is reading this knows that too.

Perhaps, the experience differs for men, but if we genuinely endorse equality, we ought to extend the same ethos to both genders and not think less of them for it. Ultimately, I think the world would be a happier place if we just minded our own business!